Gig Haikus

Steve Goodson

Jam session bassist
Observes fourteen soloists
Contemplates murder

Say, do you guys know
“Wedding Song” by Kenny G?
Buy the damn record

Riffing on “Rudolph”
Musicians in red and green
Learn humility

Best man pays sideman
Revealing greed of leader
Rebellion ensues

I’m sending a sub
But don’t worry, he’ll be fine
He’s fresh from rehab

Solo pianist
Freed from all constraints of form
Heedlessly mangles

Jazz nymphs crowd bandstand
Offering carnal delights
My alarm clock rings

Double-timing bone
Sounds like somebody chewing
On a rubber band

Forty-two straight gigs
With no requests for “Take Five”
Time to call Guinness

Free jazz temptation
Strikes during the bride’s first dance
What Would Wynton Do?

New Years revelers
Here’s hoping the stroke of twelve
Sends you the hell home

Checking out women
High stages and low necklines
Great combination

A new world’s record
For choruses on “A Train”
My band hates me now

That plate of hors d’oeuvres
Cost more than we’re getting paid
Think we underbid?

Break time is over
Rest of band is returning
Now for that phone call

Rock drummer, lounge keys
Classically trained singer
Welcome to sub hell

God bless trust fund gigs
Only have to eat ramen
For a few more weeks

My drummer helped me
Count the syllables in this

Additional Reading

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